Everything is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power
Review: Women’s Experiences with Submission in BDSM Relationships
A critical analysis of Olawumi Ademokun’s thesis on female submissives in dominant-submissive dynamics
Published on
Introduction
Olawumi Ademokun’s thesis, titled “Everything is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power,” offers a compelling exploration of women’s experiences with submission in BDSM (bondage-discipline, dominance-submission, sadism-masochism) relationships. This research addresses a significant gap in existing literature, which has often focused on men’s experiences in BDSM, by examining women’s motivations, environments, and navigation of feminism and stigma within this context[1].
Descriptions of the Nine Women
April
April finds the appeal in engaging in submission as it allows her to temporarily relinquish control and responsibility, something she values as she often feels like a control freak in her day-to-day life. This opportunity to let go and have someone else guide the scene provides her with a sense of freedom and safety.
Brooke
Brooke emphasizes the importance of trust and open dialogue with her partner. She has point-blank conversations about their sexual preferences, ensuring compatibility and comfort. For Brooke, BDSM is about willingly engaging in activities she enjoys, and she can easily walk away if it no longer fulfills her.
Chloe
Chloe values the psychological element of submission more than the physical aspects. She finds the mental headspace of submission to be lovely and acknowledges the internal conflict she sometimes faces balancing her feminist views with her BDSM practices. Chloe ensures that her autonomy and choices are respected, making her feel empowered within the dynamic.
Dawn
Dawn highlights the importance of trust and communication in any relationship, be it kinky or vanilla. She believes BDSM can demonstrate the necessity of these values. Dawn also addresses the misconception that female submission is inherently oppressive and emphasizes that healthy BDSM relationships are about mutual pleasure and respect.
Eve
Eve stresses the foundational role of consent in BDSM, asserting that even in her most submissive state, she retains the power to withdraw consent. She is careful to ensure that her engagements do not compromise her morals or make her feel demoralized. Eve also emphasizes the need for education and self-awareness before exploring BDSM.
Fae
Fae views BDSM as empowering and liberating, especially after overcoming personal hardships. She finds pleasure and excitement in submission and values respect and equality in her relationships. Fae also advocates for better education on BDSM to prevent abuse and misrepresentation in popular media.
Gwen
Gwen argues that submission should not be seen as inherently feminine, as many men also engage in submissive roles. She stresses the importance of understanding BDSM beyond patriarchal stereotypes and calls for more education to dispel myths and reduce stigma.
Hope
Hope appreciates the psychological and emotional aspects of BDSM, such as anticipation and excitement, rather than physical pain. She emphasizes the importance of continuous communication and feeling comfortable with her partner to enjoy the dynamic. Hope also highlights the central role of consent in maintaining autonomy within BDSM.
Ila
Ila experiences a feeling of anticipated excitement in submission, similar to riding a rollercoaster. She values the consensual power exchange and the trust she has in her partner to respect her boundaries. Ila also acknowledges the need for better understanding and communication about BDSM practices to prevent abuse.
Methodology
The study employs a qualitative approach, conducting semi-structured in-depth interviews with nine women aged 22-30 based in the UK who have experience as submissives in dominant-submissive dynamics. The research questions focus on how and why women engage in submission, how they understand autonomy in power exchange, how they situate feminism within BDSM, and how they address social stigma[1].
Key Findings
- Trust and negotiation were foundational factors for participants to engage in submission.
- Participants viewed their engagement in dominant-submissive dynamics as mutually beneficial, healthy, and consensual, though they acknowledged some tension with feminist ideals.
- The women emphasized the importance of trust and communication throughout their BDSM experiences.
- Personal gratification and satisfaction were significant motivators for engaging in submissive roles.
- Participants suggested that community support and education are key to challenging the social stigma associated with BDSM practices.
Theoretical Framework
The study’s theoretical framework draws upon several concepts:
- Foucault’s conceptualization of strategic power
- Langdridge & Butt’s theory of erotic power exchange
- Hopkins’ concept of simulation rather than replication
- Williams et al.’s foundational 4C’s structure (care, concern, communication, and consent)
- Link & Phelan’s argument of stigma
These theories provide a robust foundation for analyzing the participants’ reflections on their submissive experiences[1].
Contributions to the Field
This thesis contributes significantly to the field by offering insights into women’s experiences in BDSM, particularly in the context of submission. It challenges stereotypes and misconceptions about BDSM practices by highlighting the importance of consent, negotiation, and personal agency in these dynamics[1].
Strengths and Limitations
A key strength of this research is its focus on giving voice to women’s experiences in a field that has historically been dominated by male perspectives. The qualitative approach allows for a nuanced exploration of the participants’ motivations, feelings, and reflections on their BDSM practices.
However, the study acknowledges its limitations, particularly in terms of sample size. With only nine participants, the findings cannot be generalized to all women engaging in BDSM submission. Instead, the research offers in-depth insights into individual experiences rather than making broad claims about the BDSM community as a whole[1].
Impact of Media Representations
The thesis also addresses the impact of mainstream media representations of BDSM, such as “Fifty Shades of Grey,” noting that while these have increased awareness, they often fail to accurately portray the nuances and ethical considerations involved in BDSM practices[1].
Conclusion
This research provides a valuable contribution to the understanding of women’s experiences in BDSM, particularly in dominant-submissive dynamics. It emphasizes the importance of consent, communication, and personal agency in these relationships, challenging stereotypes and advocating for more open discussions about BDSM, sex, and power exchange in academic contexts. The study paves the way for future research to further explore the complexities of BDSM practices and their intersection with gender, sexuality, and social norms[1].
Citations:
[1] https://lup.lub.lu.se/luur/download?fileOId=9053282&func=downloadFile&recordOId=9053278